Hey nerds, what's up?
You may have noticed that I've been having some trouble maintaining on online presence. The blog went first. Then my channel uploads got spotty. Then Twitter. Even Instagram and Snapchat have seen a decline of posts from me.
There's not really a specific thing that happened that I can point to and say, "THIS happened. Now it's over I'm going to do better!"
I don't really know what happened. I just lost motivation. Maybe I got caught up in views and subscribers a little bit. Maybe I just felt like I was wasting my time online. Maybe I felt like the community has been falling apart and it made me sad and I didn't want to see it happen. Maybe I got overwhelmed by the amount of books others were reading while I was sitting here not really wanting to pick up any books. Maybe it was a combination of all of that.
I do know that I've considered quitting. Quit Youtube. Quit Booktube. Quit this hobby.
But then when I take a break I still feel like I want to be here. I want to be a part of this community. I want to watch and make videos. I want to read AND write reviews on those books.
I tweeted the other day, "Sometimes I feel like I'm off in a little corner of the booktube community. I still find it hard to be friendly without thinking Im annoying." And then not only did my Bibliothon girls kind of pick me up and go UM HELLO HI WE LOVE YOU but other friends did too. Ones that I think I'm annoying when I tweet at them. And that really gave me some fuzzy feelings.
Then there's the stuff going on in my real life.
I got a new job in February and I now work mostly full time as a substitute teacher. But over the summer, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do - get a job at a coffee shop? Retail? Will the job I got working from home be a steady enough income?
Matt and I are also looking for a new roommate. So we've been dealing with reaching out to strangers, keeping the house clean so they can come over and see our place, and just trying to find someone we like who also works on all the base requirements like financial things and what have you.
I'm trying to get on a healthier lifestyle routine. Eating better/cleaner and going to the gym. MY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO BE A GYM RAT. My problem is --- I fucking hate the gym.
I don't mean to be whiny and complain about my life or what's going on in my life. It's almost like writing all this out is helping me grasp a better understanding of what my problem has been lately with focusing on things that I love.
I am feeling more motivated lately. Which is why I'm hear, writing this weird diary-like post about what's been going on in my life.
I have some amazing stuff coming up! I'm working with a publishing house on a project (EEP). The bibliothon is in July and I've got four videos planned - now I just have to start filming! I have some books for review on my shelf waiting for me to pick them up. And Matt and I have watched some great things and I want to bring back #KATT reviews for them.
Maybe I have some weird addiction to this nerdy little hobby but I can't give it up. I'm obsessed with this community. I can't give up on it yet.
I love you guys. Thank you to each and every one of you for your support and friendship. I don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without you.